


It Never Ends

by B_Rabbit14



Series: Spreading Awareness/ Rant Fics [6]
Category: Dream SMP (Fandom), Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Gen, Heavy Angst, Heavy Emotions, I needed to rant and poor Tubbo got the brunt of my emotions, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sad bois, Slight Hurt/Comfort, Sorry Not Sorry, Toxic Mindstate, not really...?, toxic thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29953440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Rabbit14/pseuds/B_Rabbit14
Summary: "It never seems to end,""What doesn't end?""A lot of things really," He shrugged and rested his chin atop his knees. His mind was still loud but seemed to get cloudy and confusing when he actually tried to get his words out. "The wars, the fighting, the anger..." Tubbo sighed and closed his eyes. He could see the blood and tears that made up a better part of his life behind his eyelids, he saw them every night. It was sad knowing he'd gotten used to them.or: I'm sad and projected onto TubboPERSONAs ONLY BTW
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Series: Spreading Awareness/ Rant Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098926
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	It Never Ends

**Author's Note:**

> ain't got much to say other than hope you enjoy my brain vomit. this isn't edited so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.

_ "It'll be okay, Tubbo! We'll win this!" _

He didn't know how many times he'd heard that by now. It was the same thing every time, without fail. And every time he foolishly hoped they were true.

_ "Chin up, man! Can't run a country with a gloomy face like that, can you?" _

He hadn't wanted this though. He didn't ask for this responsibility, only accepted it because he'd felt obligated to do so. If he didn't do it, they'd be disappointed in him.

_ "You're pathetic, really. Why anyone listened to you, I'll never know," _

That was the funny thing, though. No one did. All his decisions were impacted and pressured onto him by the people around him. No one ever really listened to him. It truly was pathetic.

"Tubbo...?" A kind voice called, dripping with such kindness and concern that he really didn't deserve. Blue eyes turned and met red and green as he hummed in acknowledgment.

"What's up, big man?" He asked with false cheer. Even he cringed at the sound of his voice but he kept his mask up, he couldn't afford to lower it now. Not even in front of Ranboo.

"You..." The taller trailed off with uncertainty in his tone. His hands twisted around each other as if he wanted to reach out to the other but thought better of it. "You alright?" He finally inquired with a tilted of his head. Tubbo would've normally laughed at the action and follow up with a tease of how catlike it looked along with the younger's tail swishing behind him but couldn't find it in himself to laugh. Should that be worrisome? He mentally shrugged it away.

"I'm as right as rain, my friend," He forced out, his eyes crinkling from his too-wide smile. He was sure Ranboo could tell it was fake, it sure felt fake. Ranboo didn't look very convinced but also didn't seem committed to pushing the other further. Tubbo would've been thankful if not for the chains around his heart tightening as he watched the other's face fall slightly.

Ranboo trusted him, sure not with _ everything _ but close enough, and it must hurt knowing Tubbo probably didn't trust him as much.

_ "We can start again, you'll see," _

"Hey, Ranboo," He called suddenly. The other perked up at his voice and hummed quietly. "Do you want to know what's funny?" His mouth was moving on its own, he couldn't stop the words from flowing out. Ranboo's brow furrowed in confusion but he kept silent.

"It never seems to end," He went on and turned away, pulling his knees towards his chest. He stared out across the grassy field, watching as the flowers swayed lightly in the wind. The beauty of it all almost managed to distract him from his raging thoughts.

"What doesn't end?"

"A lot of things really," He shrugged and rested his chin atop his knees. His mind was still loud but seemed to get cloudy and confusing when he actually tried to get his words out. "The wars, the fighting, the anger..." Tubbo sighed and closed his eyes. He could see the blood and tears that made up a better part of his life behind his eyelids, he saw them every night. It was sad knowing he'd gotten used to them.

"Tubbo..." Ranboo called cautiously and Tubbo's heart clenched painfully at the sincere worry in his voice. He buried his face behind his knees and inhaled shakily.

"I'm tired of it, Ranboo," He muttered thankful for the calm silence that had fallen over the field they sat in. "I'm tired of wanting change and nothing changing," He curled into himself more and bit his lips before continuing. "I'm tired of wanting them to understand and no one understanding. I'm tired of the fighting for peace and nothing but violence prevailing," He bit back a sob that threatened to spill from his mouth.

He couldn't stop himself. His walls had been fragile, to begin with, cracked and chipped from years of pain and suffering. The pain began to leak through the seams and before he realized it the dam _ broke _ .

Tubbowhriled around and faced his friend. His eyes were bright with unshed tears and glimmered with pain and anger. Ranboo looked back, stunned and with tears of his own forming in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm tired of thinking it'll get better only for it all to go to shit the next second! I'm tired of struggling for nothing, of hurting for no reason other than someone else's gain!" Tubbo shouted. The taller didn't seem to react to the change in volume, only sitting and listening.

He was _ listening _ .

"It hurts, Ranboo!" He sobbed but refused to let the tears fall. Tears were a sign of weakness everyone knew that. He couldn't cry, whether because he was stubborn or simply had run out of tears to shed he didn't know. His hand came to clutch at his shirt just over his where his heart lay hammering in his chest. "Every time they say it'll get better, I believe them! I know it's not true but I still believe them, and I know I'm stupid for doing so!" He shook his head and slumped forward, his shoulder shaking.

"I can see the cycle and yet I still believe them..." He croaked out and wrapped his arms around his torso as if to hug himself. He really was pathetic, having to rely on himself for comfort. "I know what's happening but I let myself be dragged down anyways because for a short moment..." He raised his head and locked eyes with the enderman-hybrid once more. "For a small moment, I feel... okay," He let out a small laugh, the sound pitiful in his ears. "I believe them for a short moment and I feel okay for once," He shook his head and released a wet laugh again.

"I feel so light and airy and just..." He could find the words. He stared at the other with a small smile that soon crumpled as everything crashed down on him once more. "And then it's gone... and I'm back where I started," He cried and turned away from the other just before his tears managed to fall against his wishes. He bent of and pounded his fists against the grass-covered ground as a sob ripped from his throat and rang loud throughout the field.

He continued to cry even as a weight settled on top of his back and arms snaked their way around over his chest. Ranboo held him close and rested his cheek on the other's back as he shook with sobs. Tubbo suddenly moved and threw himself into the other's chest grasping onto his shirt tightly as if he'd leave him like everyone else eventually did.

Ranboo held him silently, still at a loss for words. He honestly didn't know what to say but was determined to be there for his friend either way. He held the smaller closer and buried his nose into his brown hair inhaling the scent of honey and pine that he'd come to always associate with the older teen.

Tubbo continued to cry. He cried out in defeat, knowing this would change nothing. No matter what he did, conflict and hatred would always reign over the server. He screamed out in anger and pressed himself closer to the silent weight next to him, thankful for the rare support.

Ranboo closed his eyes as Tubbo eventually cried himself dry and leaned heavily against him. He blinked tiredly and sniffed occasionally as he sat in the taller's lap like a limp doll. It truly hurt to see his normally lively friend reduced to something like this. It hurt more that he knew there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

It was as Tubbo said, nothing would change. No matter what they did the war and pain would never end.

Maybe they could continue the cycle together and stay as constants for each other. Yeah, that sounded nice. Ranboo hummed lowly and curled around the smaller body.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and I hope ya'll have a good day/night
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated but not expected


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